A Deeper Dependence

“Explore me, O God, and know the real me. Dig deeply and discover who I am.Put me to the test and watch how I handle the strain. Examine me to see if there is an evil bone in me, and guide me down Your path forever” (Psalm 139:23-24VOICE)

Some days are easy. I feel like I’m at the top of my game (whatever game that is) and everything I do comes easy. All my traffic lights are green and seemingly everything I touch turns golden.

Somedays just aren’t. Some days it feels like a struggle to do the easy stuff. There are days when I’m doing well to remember my own name, much less anybody else’s.

Every day, every path, every choice leads me closer to or further away from who I really want to be.

I’ve come to the decision over time that there’s not a day that goes by where I’m not completely dependent on my God. Good days, bad days, easy days, difficult days, all days are days where I won’t survive unless I lean on the Lord.

I think that’s success– a place where I am completely and utterly dependent on Jesus, trusting Him completely for every single need. That’s the place where I find the truest peace and the richest mercies.

That’s where I want to be.

But then that desire to be my own man rears its proverbial ugly head. The cultural idea of the self-made man who pulls himself up by his own bootstraps is a hard notion to kill.

Yet kill it I must if I want to be in a place where Jesus is all my heart’s desire, where I am satisfied with nothing more and nothing less than as much of God as I can handle (and then some).

I still wish Mondays didn’t have to start so early.

 

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