How to lose friends and influence nobody (my attempt at satire)

I seem to have a rare spiritual gift. In fact, I am the only one I know who possesses this fine gift. I seem to have the ability to lose friends. How do I do it, you ask? Here’s how. In 5 easy to learn steps. Actually, there is only one step.

That one step is to do and say really stupid stuff. Or to try way too hard to be funny or witty. Or in my case, to just be me.

I tend to run off friends (most of those being of the female persuasion). I am such an overwhelming personality that they can’t stand me for long periods of time. I think the magnets in my magnetic personality are set the wrong way, as I tend to repel rather than attract.

The end is always the same. Silence. They just vanish. They won’t talk to me or return my posts or texts. I simply cease to exist in their world. Which makes me think that another blog on my magical abilities might be in order.

Here’s the real point. The actual serious point. God loves me. I can’t run him off, no matter how I try. And I have tried. He’s there, loving me the same whether I am full of joy and fervor and my faith is on fire, or whether I am ice-cold and callous and could care less. My God will never ever ever ever stop loving me. The nights when I am curled up in the fetal position, buying the lie that no one loves me because I am unlovable, my Abba is cradling me in His arms.

The point is not for people to like me. The point is to be faithful. The point is for me to be a friend who loves at all times and never gives up on his friends. Never. Because that’s what I’d want people to do for me. And thank you to my friends who have seen the best and worst of me and still stick around.

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4 thoughts on “How to lose friends and influence nobody (my attempt at satire)

  1. I love to read your blog posts when I can catch ’em, bro. Your writing is so raw…so real…and just authentically pouring out of wherever your heart is at the time. Me likey.

    Sorry to hear of your heart’s struggles in all this…but thank you for taking the risk to put it out there…and I urge you to resist any temptation to stop putting your heart out there for fear of pain…keep putting it out there…it’s worth it.

    Too bad you live in Nashvegas, bro. Next time you make your way to Memphis-town, let’s hook up and catch up, shall we?

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