Fear and Faith

I’m not alone when I say that I have known fear and anxiety. Lately, I’ve heard several of my friends talk about their own fears and worries. I’m pretty sure that everybody deals with fear on some level.

But the question of the day is this: will you let fear run your life or will you step out in faith? Will you put your foot out into the air, not knowing if there will be ground underneath for it to land on? I know your mind just went to that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Mine did. That’s exactly what the step of faith looks like. It means either God comes through or you will crash and burn.

I think for a lot of people, their fear of failure is stronger than their desire for success. They want to avoid failing more than they want to succeed, and the result is that they will fail from not trying. Failing is not failure, but not trying is.

I truly believe that God reveals himself as we obey. As we can take those steps of faith, God knows we are ready to handle a much greater revelation of himself. We know much more of God’s ability to come though in the clutch when we go out on a limb for him.

So my advice is to do what you’re afraid of. Ask her out. Apply for that job. Make that call to your estranged friend. Share your faith with a co-worker. Quit that dead-end job and pursue your dream.

God will honor you. He hasn’t failed you yet and he’s not about to. Remember, as I heard recently, that if God is calling you out, he has already given you the victory there. You only have to step out and claim it.

Perfect, complete, mature love, i.e. the love of God, casts out fear completely.

Ghosts

 

I was feeling burdened about some issues, so I stepped inside one of my favorite places on earth, St. Paul’s Espiscopal Church, a very old church building located in the heart of downtown Franklin. Being in that place always brings me peace and I can be still and silent and just be.

I pulled out one of the kneelers and got on my knees and unburdened myself before God. I let it all go. I don’t know if it will work out like I want it to or not, but I do know that I felt a peace about it for the first time in a while. Then I simply listened.

It may have been the creaky floorboards settling, but to my romanticized imagination, it sounded like echos of past worshippers. Ghosts of people who came to this place and found their own peace.

I felt that I was not alone. Not because of ghosts, but because I knew that God was there with me.

I know now that I have to let my situation go. I can’t fix it. As much as I try to “help” God out, I would only make things worse. So I have to back off and let God do what only God can do. It’s completely in his hands now.

I don’t know how long I knelt there, listening to the noises around me. I left my phone in my pocket the whole time.

I love the fact that God didn’t wait until I got my act together to come to me. He found me, broken as I was, and is loving me to wholeness. Even though I sometimes still live out of fear and doubt, he never once has abandoned me. In those times I felt most alone, he was closest of all.

That’s what I love about God. Every other religion is about how to get to God, but Christianity (not the religion, but the relationship with Jesus Christ) is about how God came to us and found us before we even thought about looking for him.

I’m so glad he found me.

 

Friends

As I’ve stated many times before, I am still trying to figure out this whole friendship thing. Sometimes I do good, sometimes . . . not so much. I’ve had good friends who I still count as friends and I’ve had some that I probably creeped out a little and who aren’t as friendly to me anymore.

I’ve learned in my life not to beat myself up over the friendships that I feel like I’ve botched. It’s not up to me to carry every single one of my relationships. God is more than able to keep people in my life that need to be there. It’s so much less stressful that I can relax and be myself and not have to worry if that will be enough for people to like me.

I’ve learned to always give the benefit of the doubt and to see my friends in the best possible light. Essentially, I’ve learned to give them grace, because God knows I sure need it. Often.

To my friends who have stuck around, I’m thankful. I don’t deserve you, but I’m glad to have you in my life.

To my friends who I’ve run off or weirded out, I hope you give me grace and a second chance. But I don’t blame you if you don’t. I am still very much a work in progress and though I am at a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically than I’ve ever been, I still have some broken places and hidden hurts that surface from time to time.

To all my friends, whether you were only around for a few weeks or are still here after many years, thank you. You bless me more than you know. You encourage and support me, you pray for me, you keep me honest, you love me, and you show me Jesus every single day.

I hope one day I can finally be the friend that I’ve always wanted. And with God’s help, I believe I will be.

When You Feel Like Giving Up

I’ve felt like giving up sometimes. And by that I don’t mean I felt a desire to end my life. I just didn’t feel like trying anymore. At the time, I felt like I didn’t matter and nothing I did made any difference. Like the world would be better off without me.

But those thoughts were lies. I know that now. I’ve learned not to trust every feeling I have. I’ve come to realize that not every thought in my head deserves attention, because what I think isn’t always true. The Bible calls it “taking every thought captive.”

God is always true. He never lies. I know now I can always trust him, especially in the times when I can’t trust my own thoughts and feelings.

It’s easy to let fear or anger or doubt or depression skew your reality. It’s easy to give into those fears and the bondage that comes with them. But that’s no way to live.

It’s much harder to say, “I need help.” It’s much harder to say, “I can’t do this on my own. I’ve tried and tried and failed and now I need help.”

Sometimes faith and prayer are enough. I know personally that sometimes it takes medication and counseling. It’s not weakness to need pills to help you think normally. It’s because you and I and everybody else live in a fallen world and have brokenness because of sin entering the world.

Just remember that God’s in control. He’s bigger than any problem you’re facing. As a pastor I once heard said, what seems impossible to you and me isn’t even remotely difficult for God. And he’s waiting for you to ask him for help.

There’s a whole lot I don’t know. But one of the few things I do know is that God is truly close to the broken-hearted and crushed in spirit. He knows where you are and what you’re going through. And he will get you through it.

That’s what I know.

 

Simplicity of Heart

“Simplicity of heart is its own ticket of admission” (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Jesus).

Blessed are those who believe the best in others even when they get hurt. They know they will need someone to believe in them when they don’t deserve it someday.

Blessed are the ones who forgive because they know what it’s like to need and receive forgiveness. And they know what it’s like to need it and not get it.

Blessed are those who trust in the goodness of God even when things happen they didn’t expect and don’t understand. They see that God’s plan is bigger than what they can understand or feel or know.

Blessed are the ones who don’t give up on their friends, even when their friends give up on them. They know that God doesn’t give up on anyone.

Blessed are the ones who fall down and keep getting back up, who fail repeatedly and keep persevering. Theirs is the victory in Christ.

Blessed are the ones in darkness who refuse to give up on the sun that never seems to come, who keep waiting for it and hoping for it, even with weak and faltering faith, because they’ve seen it come up before and know it will again.

Blessed are the ones whose hearts are hurting from loving and losing, because they know that the only alternative to hurting is not to feel at all and to have a heart of stone. They know that weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Blessed are you when everything and everyone tells you to give up and go home, but you won’t quit because you know that God is on your side.

Blessed are the pure in heart.

To All the Rahabs in the World

I’ve blogged about Rahab before. Maybe because she’s got such a beautiful story. Maybe because I can relate to her brokenness so well. Or maybe it’s because it shows God at his redemptive best.

Rahab was a prostitute who hid the Israelite spies and lied about their whereabouts to the local police. She led them to safety on the promise that they take care of her family when they come to invade the city. Note: she didn’t ask for herself, just her family.

Rahab’s past is synonymous with shame. She had seen her life spiral downward into something she could never have imagined as a little girl. Anyone else in her position could have turned hard and cold and not even let those foreign spies in.

But there was something about them that got her attention. Something about those stories of their god who had led them through the desert and defeated their enemies. All her own gods had failed her. Maybe there was something different about this Yahweh.

When people look at people like her, all they see is something broken. Something to discard, to throw away. God sees the perfect piece that will fit into his master plan of redemption. He sees the mother of Boaz, the father of Jesse, the father of King David, out of whose line came Jesus.

I love the saying that broken pieces make the best stained glass windows. It’s true. The best testimonies come from the worst moment of your life when you saw that God could stoop low enough to find you in your filth and raise you up. That he could save anyone, even you.

So to all the Rahabs in the world, just remember this. You have a place in God’s story. You have a place in God’s heart. You are not a dirty whore. You are a beloved daughter, a beloved son, a beloved child of God.

Your Abba is indeed very fond of you.

 

Raise Your Hand: A Blog About Relationships

Ok. Informal survey. See if any of these scenarios fit you. Here goes.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been interested in someone and gone to the place where he or she works or hangs out in the hopes of “accidentally” running into him or her? And technically, that’s not stalking. It’s only stalking when you know for sure that person will be there.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever posted something on facebook in hopes that a certain someone would read it. Because that always works. Not. Of course, I’ve NEVER done anything REMOTELY like that. I’ve NEVER found out the hard way how completely futile that is.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever judged the health of a relationship based on how many times the other person likes or comments on your statuses and posts on facebook. Yeah, I seem kinda hung up on the whole facebook thing, but play along with me. Maybe you see the absence of response to your posts and texts as a lack of interest on the other’s part, or even an indicator that that person is upset with you or doesn’t like you. Again, I can say that I’ve never . . . . ok, I’ve been there, done that, thrown the pity party. Now I take pills and I do much better.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever obsessed over the next time you might see that certain someone and rehearsed in your mind what you would say to them. You even got the script down perfect. The only problem is that real life never follows those rehearsed scenarios and real people tend not to want to stick to your script.

What little I know about relationships is this: there are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people. You can’t make any one person your life or build your future on the hopes of a relationship. To put another person on that kind of pedestal is to put that person in the place of God and put a burden on them that they were never meant to bear.

So I’ve learned to trust God. And pray a lot. And take deep breaths. And not freak out. The other person most likely is just as scared and intimidated and nervous and self-conscious as you are. They just have different ways of showing (or hiding) those things.

By the way, I bet you feel pretty silly sitting in front of your computer all by yourself with your hand raised in the air. You can put it down now.

Summit 9 and Orphans

I was privileged to participate as a volunteer in the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit 9 conference yesterday and today at Brentwood Baptist Church. I knew for certain that God was calling me to be a part, however small, in the work he was getting ready to do.

I was so blessed. Even though most of the time I was sweaty and smelled like stale coffee, I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything and there’s no where else I would rather have been than serving God’s people gathered together over raising awareness over the global orphan crisis. Even if I could have gotten paid elsewhere, I’d have still been a volunteer.

I think I understand what King David said when he wrote in a Psalm that it’s better to be a doorkeeper in the house of God than live in the biggest mansion and have the most extravagant lifestyle. That came home to me today as I was holding the door open and greeting the conference attendees coming in for the morning session.

I truly believe that God’s heart is for orphans and widows, the forgotten and downtrodden, the lonely and the outcast. I think James 1:27 is proof of that. Or Isaiah 58. Or Psalm 68:5-6.

I read a staggering fact. If only 7% of the world’s 2 billion Christians adopted one child each, there would be no more orphan crisis. Only 7%.

You may not be able to save all 147 million orphans, but you can help one. You can sponsor an orphan. You can adopt. Or you can be a foster parent. You can pray and help raise awareness of the issues orphans around the world face.

Go to http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/ to find out more how to support and pray for the organization behind this conference.

As usual, I ended up receiving so much more than I gave and being blessed way beyond what I expected. I truly believe God’s anointing was all over the conference and that the trajectory of many lives has radically changed forever in a Kingdom way.

When you think about it, we were all homeless orphans before God sent Jesus for us. Now we have a family of believers, a Father and a Dwelling Place in God, and the new title of beloved children of God.

That’s something to think about.

That Ol’ Emmaus Road

 

In the story in Luke 24 about the two disciples walking down the Emmaus road, a question probably comes to mind. How could they have not recognized Jesus walking beside them, conversing with them, the whole entire time? I mean, wasn’t he the focus of their lives for three years? How could they have been so blind?

But then I think I understand. Sometimes deep grief and pain can keep you from really seeing what and who is around you. Sometimes, you just get too wrapped up in your own problems and anxieties to really pay attention to where you are.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Maybe you feel alone and abandoned as you walk your road. You may not realize it, but Jesus is silently walking beside you.

Maybe you feel like you need to clean up your act and get your life together so you can be “good enough” to meet Jesus. You may not be aware of it, but Jesus is already where you are, waiting on you to recognize him, drop your pretenses, and come running into his arms.

It’s interesting to me that the moment those two disciples recognized Jesus was in a moment of worship. They broke bread, like they had done earlier in the week with Jesus, and suddenly their eyes were opened. True worship does that. It helps us to find Jesus and understand that he was already with us all the time.  After all, he wasn’t the one lost and needing to be found. We were.

So maybe all you need to do is cling to the promise Jesus gave that he would never leave us nor forsake us. Maybe you need to reach out your hands in faith to find his own reaching toward you. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, no matter how badly you’ve messed up, Jesus is always ready to receive you again. He’s never stopped loving you or pursuing your heart.

I think that qualifies as the best news ever.

My Oscar Acceptance Speech (Just in Case)

I wanted to let all of you know that I’m in a good place. In fact, I truly feel like I’m in a better place spiritually, mentally, and physically than I’ve been in for a long time. And I have you to thank for it.

I won’t be like the actual Oscar winners and name names, but I will thank you and hope you recognize yourself in this list.

Thank you for praying for me faithfully and consistently. There are times when I truly felt like I was carried by those prayers and times when your prayers and your faith in and for me sustained me when I didn’t have the prayers to pray or the faith to believe for myself.

Thank you for your spoken words of encouragement and all your texts and posts on my wall and facebook messages that always seemed to come at just the right moment when I needed to hear those words. God spoke mightily to me through you.

Thank you for meeting with me for coffee and conversation. Those times meant more to me than you knew because I know you cared enough about me to take time out of your busy schedule to spend time with me.

Thank you even if you said you wanted to meet for coffee and conversation but were unable to follow through. I know you meant well and I am flattered and honored that you even considered meeting with me.

Thank you for putting up with my occasional moments of insanity and weirdness and those times when I was overly needy or obnoxious. The fact that you stuck around when you could have bolted means the world to me.

Thank you for inviting me to be a part of your community groups and Sunday School classes. Thank you for rooting for me and helping me believe in myself. Thank you for being amazing examples of Christ for me to learn from.

I know there’s so much I probably left out that I should have included. But with my ADD, I’m doing good to remember all of this.

Just know that I am eternally grateful to know each and every one of you and I pray that God blesses you as much as you have blessed me and that he brings you as much joy as you have brought to my life– which is way more than I deserved or could ever hope to contain. I’m so very grateful to have you play a part in the story of my life that God is still writing for me.

Thank you.