Seeing With New Eyes

I had a flashback to an old memory. Actually, it was less of a flashback and more of a memory of my mother telling me about it.

When I was 4 or so, I had the notion to pour Comet Cleanser on my head. It seemed like a fine idea at the time to my 4-year old mind. That is, until it got into my eyes.

I don’t remember any of this, but apparently I burned or damaged my retinas pretty severely. I had to stay in a dark room away from bright lights and have drops in my eyes every four hours. According to the story, there was some doubt as to whether my retinas would grow back.

They did.

I don’t know what triggered that memory. I do know that I’ve had experiences that have caused me to look at myself and others through new eyes.

Like tonight. The teacher at Kairos spoke about the tale of the Good Samaritan. Only he said that Jesus taught the parable to show us not that we’re the Samaritan who helps others, but the badly beaten, naked man lying in a ditch on the side of the road, desperate for help.

Maybe you’ve thought to yourself, “Hey, I’m a nice person. I try to help others and do the right thing most of the time.”

But if you’re honest you look at your life and you see deception and manipulation. You see those times when you failed and didn’t do the right thing. You know that if people could read your mind and see some of the thoughts you have in the dark of night, they wouldn’t think you were so nice.

The fact is that we’re all in need of rescue. We’re not as noble or kind or brave as we thought we were. We’re not nearly as able to help ourselves.

But Jesus is so much stronger than we ever knew. He’s so much more than able to reach down and rescue us from the messes we fall into. He’s able to change us into loving people who don’t do kind things as much as they exude kindness. It’s his love inside us by which we love others who aren’t lovable.

I know even after more than three decades of being a Christian, I need Jesus every bit as much now as I did when I first believed. The only thing that’s changed is that I see so much more clearly how good and great he is, how much he loves me, and how committed he is to me.

I haven’t had any more eye emergencies since. Hopefully, I’m smart enough now not to pour household cleaners on my head. Lesson learned.

 

Oh Well

I have some shocking news that you may find hard to take. In fact, you may want to sit down for this one. . . wait for it . . . not everybody is going to like you.

OK, maybe I’m the only one who had a hard time accepting this truth. As a recovering co-dependent approval addict, I want everybody to like me. At least, if somebody doesn’t like me, I want to know the reason so I can change a behavior that’s offensive or modify an annoying habit.

But not everybody’s going to like you. And of those who don’t, probably few will ever tell you why. That’s just a hard lesson I’ve had to learn.

Of course most of the people who you think don’t like you probably do. You probably read them wrong. Or maybe that’s just me. I’ve tended to convince myself that someone else didn’t like me when he or she really didn’t. On a side note, they should probably make pills for this.

You can’t be all things to all people all the time. You can’t please everybody. But you can be yourself. You can be who God made you to be. At the end of the day, his opinion of you is really the only one that matters. And he likes you, by the way, in addition to loving you.

I’m better at this than I used to be, but I am still in the “needs improvement” category. At the end of the day, no one wants to be disliked. Well, 99% feel that way. Nobody sets out to alienate people or create enemies.

But you can’t control how others will respond or how they will perceive you. You can only control you by being the best you possible and praying for the ones who don’t like the result.

And there will be more than enough people who like you for you to offset the difference anyway.

Little Victories

Sometimes, we make Christianity an “all or nothing” affair. That means if I don’t completely succeed, I’ve failed. If I don’t completely overcome every temptation and obey the voice of God at every turn, I’ve lost.

But I think that’s not how it works. Most days are three steps forward, two steps back. Most days, you win some and you lose some, but you always learn something from it.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to be thankful for the little victories. Sometimes, those are the only things that keep you going when the battle seems hopeless and life seems too hard.

I found today that it was okay that someone I wanted to notice me didn’t. A conversation I wanted to happen didn’t and I was more than okay with it. I was fine.

I didn’t try to force something that wasn’t there. I stepped back and trusted God. I count that as a little victory.

It’s when you don’t give into fear. When you don’t let anxiety overwhelm you. When you’re able to take a couple of deep breaths and plow through. You may not look so pretty at the end of the day, but you’re alive and standing. And in my book that counts as a victory.

So here’s a lesson I’ve learned the hard way. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up when you’re not at your best or when you mess up yet again. Remember that God really is bigger than the problems you’re facing. Remember his plans for you are still good and still in operation.

Remember all the little victories you’ve experienced over the years. Also remember that the biggest victory of the biggest fight you will ever face is already won. How do I know? Because Jesus has already won it.

 

 

For a Good Friend

This is for you, my friend who will remain anonymous but not forgotten:

I know that you’re getting ready to move to a new city in a few months and a brand new adventure in the story God has authored for you. I know I probably won’t see you anymore, unless God has a surprise twist in the story that I’m unaware of (and he’s better than anyone at that sort of thing).

I wanted you to know how very thankful I am for you. Your friendship truly has blessed me more than you will ever know.

You believed in me and my blog when it seemed that no one else did. I had almost decided to quit when you encouraged me by telling me how much my blogs had blessed you. You helped me believe in myself and the gifts God gave me again.

No matter what I was going through or what my day had been like, seeing your smiling face always made my day better. I couldn’t help but smile and be filled with joy.

We never hung out that much. You had a crazy hectic schedule that probably could have benefited from having a 26-hour day instead of the usual 24. While I wish we could have hung out more, I’m grateful for the times we were able to get together and talk and share stories of God’s faithfulness.

You’re the kind of person that has hundreds of friends, that anyone would be lucky to know. I’m still not sure why you wanted to be friends with me in the first place, but I’m glad you did. I’m better for it.

I heard once that a friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. You reminded me of my song that I had forgotten and, thanks to you and a few others, I am singing again.

I hope we can keep in touch after you move, but if not, I still have your footprints in my heart to remind me that God still does bless me, because one of those blessings was you.

I will be praying God’s best for you, believing great things for you, and rooting for you every step of the way. I firmly believe that the future God has for you is better than even your wildest dreams can conceive.

May the Lord always bless and keep you and make his face shine on you and grant you peace. Every time I order a chai frappacino with caramel drizzle, I will think of you and smile.

Phil. 1:3,

Your forever friend in Christ.

The Biggest Loser

 

“Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don’t see many of “the brightest and the best” among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “somebodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have the saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God.” (1 Corinthians 1:26-31)

I remember back in elementary school at recess, I always dreaded the selection process. That’s when the team captains (usually the most popular and most athletic) chose teams. I generally was picked near the end.

But what’s really bad was to be the one not chosen. The one that the first team captain said to the other, “Oh, you can have him (or her). I’ve got all the people I want.”

To be chosen last is bad enough. But to not be chosen at all is worse. Nobody wants to feel left out or unwanted. Everybody at some level wants to be appreciated and validated and acknowledged for their own unique gifts and talents.

Jesus wanted you. Jesus wanted me. He picked you and me, not because He had to, but because He wanted us. He wants us to be a part of his team and to be a part of the work he’s doing.

God picked those who are considered foolish and weak. God picked the nobodies of the world. Look at the twelve disciples. Most leaders would have picked the cream of society and the smartest, prettiest, powerful people around. Not Jesus. He picked fishermen and radicals and tax collectors, none of whom had much of an education.

That’s comforting. At least to me.

It’s also a warning. If we get caught up in how wise we think we are, God might just send someone to confound our wisdom. If we get too hung up on our own strength, God just might send some to shame us. And if we strut around thinking how great we are, God might just send a few nobodies to adjust our perspective.

But for most of us most of the time, it’s good to know that Jesus wants us around. He wants to use people exactly like you and me to reach the world, to be the people to be his hands and feet, to take this great message of reconciliation and hope to those who need it most.

To the world, you may be a nobody. You may never win any awards or make millions of dollars or make any who’s who lists. But in God’s eyes, you are a treasure beyond price. You are worth every drop of Jesus’ blood. You are the apple of your Abba’s eye. You are the Beloved.

I don’t know about you, but that’s enough for me.

PS Thanks again to Mike Glenn for inspiring this blog.

 

Just Relax

I have yet another confession to make. I over-analyze everything. Well, most things anyway. I can wreck myself thinking too much about conversations I’ve had where I spoke and should have been silent or was silent and should have spoken. I’ve analyzed to death things friends have said that really didn’t mean what I thought they meant.

The word for today for me (and for you if you’re like me) is RELAX. Don’t over-analyze and don’t try so hard to force an outcome in your situation. Instead, enjoy the moment and watch expectantly for God to act.

I don’t mean veg out on the couch and eat bon-bons all day (or oreos, if you feel bon-bons aren’t manly enough). Live your life and have faith, or as Oswald Chambers said, “Trust God and do the next thing.”

God will act when He’s ready. When you’re really and truly ready and not when you think you are ready. In my experience, the longer the wait is, the better the surprise God has for you.

Sometimes, you wait until you think you can’t wait any longer. You hold out until you are absolutely about to run out of patience and strength and willpower. And then you wait some more. You come to the end of yourself and all your schemes and plans and the only prayer you can pray is, “Lord, help.”

The last time I checked, God was still sovereign. God was (and is) still in control. He still knows the number of hairs on your head and the number of tears you cry in the night. He more than anyone knows the secret desires of your heart and He more than anyone knows what will make you come alive and where you were created to be.

So relax. God’s got this. Like the old saying goes: there is a God and you’re not Him. I know for me, that’s a big load off my shoulders.

 

The Kind of Friend I Want to Be

I get it. I’m an idealist at heart. I have good motives (most of the time), but lousy execution (some of the time). On the way home from Movies in the Park, I got to thinking again what kind of friend I want to be. I apologize in advance if some or all of this is a repeat.

I want to be that friend who never gives up on you. I want to extend forgiveness and second chances to you as many times as God did for me. Which is quite a lot, I can tell you.

I want to be that friend who believes the best in you even when you can’t see it yourself. I’ve had those friends who did that for me. I have a God who does that better than anyone else.

I want you to be better because of me. I want to do everything in my power to help you become every part of who God made you to be. I want to see you realize all of God’s dreams for you. And believe me, His dreams for you are bigger and more amazing than anything you or I could come up with.

Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I do this out of my own need. These are all things I long for in my friends, so maybe the first step is me becoming all of those things to the people I call friends.

Obviously, the most healthy relationships are built out of wholeness and completeness, not neediness. But I do think we help each other to become whole and healthy and complete by friendships based on forgiveness and unconditional sacrificial love.

If I try too hard sometimes and get a bit Steve Urkel on you, I apologize. Like I said, my good motives are sometimes executed poorly. Sometimes, I get carried away with the posts and texts and messages. But it’s from a good place of wanting to encourage and bless you, so just remind me to take a pill and give me grace, ’cause I always stand in need of it.

I’m getting better. I am learning that you can’t fill my needs and validate me as a human being. Only God can do that. Once you learn that, you are free to be the kind of friend you always wanted.

As my friend and fellow blogger always says, “You think about that.”

Signs You’re Finally Growning Up

I am not the most mature person you’ve ever met. Sometimes, I feel like a 10-year old trapped in a 40-year old body, kinda like Tom Hank’s character in the movie Big. But God has been growing me up a lot in the last few years. Along the way, I’ve come to be able to discern and recognize some of the signs of maturity.

1) For us singles: It’s when that girl or that guy you’ve been interested in and secretly hoped was interested in you is not. They’re not interested in you as anything more than a friend. But you find that you can still cherish that person as a friend and be the best friend in return that you can possibly be.

Best of all, you find you’ve come to the place where you can celebrate and rejoice when that person finally finds true love and be genuinely happy for the two of them.

2) For parents: It’s when you can release your children to be what God is calling them to be, even if it’s not what you wanted or had planned for them. It’s when you do everything in your power to find their purpose, even if that purpose leads them halfway around the globe.

3) For all of us: It’s when you can live with unaswered questions and unfulfilled longings and desires. You are able to trust God and keep holding on in faith, even when everything in you and around you tells you not to. You are able to pray the prayer, “Lord, if all I have from You today is You and the next breath, that will be enough.”

4) It’s when you stop praying so much for blessings and start praying to be a blessing. You begin to see people as hurting and broken and needy and you see yourself as a channel through which God can pour out healing and wholeness and love to those around you.

5) It’s when you’re need to be acknowledged and approved of and commended gets less and less and you can be okay with not getting the credit for something you did. You can echo with the words of John the Baptist about Jesus that “I must decrease, that He may increase.”

6) It’s about being okay with being in the process. Being okay with not knowing the answers or even the next step in life because even though you may not know where you’re being led, you know the One leading you. It’s when you can like yourself for who you are, not who you aren’t but want to be.

These are some of the signs that I recognize as part of God’s work in me. He’s maturing me into the man of God and vessel through which He can transform the world. It’s about Jesus reaching out and touching people through your hands and speaking to them with your voice. It’s a very long process, but as I have found, it is so much more than worth it.

Sticking Around

A few days a go, I posted that one of my greatest fears is that in any relationship I have, the other person will see my flaws and hang-ups and issues and decide that I’m really not worth it anymore.

That’s been a fear of mine for many years. No matter how far I’ve come in God’s healing process, that’s a fear that’s been hard to dislodge.

I have admitted that I’m broken. And I’m not alone. We all are. Some are just better at hiding the scars than others.

Well, this is one broken guy who’s telling you it’s okay to admit that you’re broken. It’s okay to confess that you’re not living out of faith but out of fear most of the time.

For me, it’s still a day to day thing. Every time that old fear rears its ugly head, I have to remind myself what fear stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real. This particular fear is based on a lie that I am not good enough and not worthy of my family or friends. That I don’t have what it takes.

I’ve made a promise to you not to give up on you, regardless.  I do this because God made the same promise to me.

I’m telling you what God’s been telling me. You are good enough. You do have what it takes. You are accepted and loveable just for you. Jesus thought you were to die for.

I will keep telling you until you believe it. It may take you as many times as it took me to finally grasp it not just intellectually with my head, but on a deeper emotional level in my heart.

I will never stop telling you that God is for you, on your side, rooting for you, not giving up on you, but working on you until you become everything He created you to be.

As I’ve said before (one of my favorite quotes from any book I’ve ever read): I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody who can save anybody.

That’s me. A nobody in the world’s eyes, but Beloved in my God’s eyes.

By Faith

I am an optimistic and positive person for the most part. I usually see the glass half full. Unless it’s when I’m really thirsty, then the glass is empty, ’cause I just drank it all.

Sometimes, I have serious doubts. Sometimes, it feels like my dreams and goals are just out of reach and nothing will really ever change. Sometimes, I’m not even really sure what it is I’m reaching for.

Everybody has those times, if they’re honest. Everybody doubts, everybody questions, and as the old R.E.M. song says, everybody hurts.

The question is, Will you still believe even when common sense tells you not to? Will you speak your faith even when you don’t feel it and the words coming out of your mouth feel fake and fraudulent? Will you still hold on?

The old cliche is true. It really is darkest just before the dawn. I’ve found that just when I feel like I’m at my lowest ebb, that’s when I see God moving in my circumstances and in my life.

The promises of God are just as true in the dark as they are in the light. He is just as faithful in the storm as in the sunshine. He is just as near when you can’t feel Him as when you can.

I’ve said it before many times, but it’s true. What you think may lie to you. What you feel may lie to you. But God won’t. Ever.

So many people in the Bible had times when they felt God’s promises were hopelessly out of reach. I think about David and Abraham as examples. David when he was running for his life from Saul and Abraham when he and Sarah were still childless and eligible for Social Security.

But they held on to the promises of God even when everything in them (and probably everyone around them) told them not to, and that faith was rewarded in the nick of time in God’s perfect timing.

May you and I hold on as tenaciously and as stubbornly as they did.

It will be so much more than worth it in the end.