The Reminders of the Not Yet

Today was one of those days that contained elements of the good, the bad, and the ugly. To be sure, there was about 75% good, 20% bad, and only 5% ugly, give or take 5%.

The good: I finally found the laptop of my dreams. I think this will work and this time it will really last. Desktop, you were fun, but I think we both know it’s over and it’s time to move on.

The bad: For some reason, the drive to Chuy’s became much more of an adventure than it should have  been. I’ve been there many times before, but for some reason today, I was compelled to turn the wrong way off I-65 and to have to perform a semi-U turn to get back on the right track. It was a lovely and awkward driving moment that I will be doing my best to repress in the days to come.

The ugly: I seem to have screwed up a friendship before it really even got going. My social skills were AWOL for part of the night, and that was the part that I chose ever-so-wisely to have a conversation with the friend in question. Needless to say, I stuck my foot in my mouth up to my kneecap. It was awkward.

It’s okay that I’m not there yet. It’s okay that I don’t have it all together and have it all figured out yet. God does.

I can’t mess up so badly that He can’t turn my mistake into something beautiful and good. I can’t screw up something beyond God’s ability to fix it and make it right again.

God, I’m leaning on your promises tonight. I’m counting on You to work your purposes in my mistakes and take even the bad and the ugly of my day and work it for Your good.

Amen and amen. Pass the tylenol.

Thoughts on Job

When I was little I used to pronounce the book of Job like it rhymed with rob. For Psalms, I made the s silent and called it Palms. I did some goofy things back then and it’s a good thing I’m past all that now (said with very heavy tone of sarcasm).

I read through Job again last night (and now I know it’s pronounced like Jobe as in Kari Jobe, the singer). It was not an easy read for me and most of the time, left me feeling more uncomfortable than uplifted.

In case you’re not familiar with the story, Job is a righteous and wealthy man. Satan taunts God and says that Job is only faithful because God has blessed him so much. “If you take all that away,” Satan told God, “your so-called servant Job will curse You to your face and be done with You.” So God allows Satan to take away Job’s possessions, then his children, and finally, his good health.

True, Job never curses God. Job never abandons God. But Job questions God’s motives and comes very close to maligning God’s character. That’s the part that makes me uncomfortable. Because I have asked some of the same questions and made some of the same accusations toward God.

I never bad-mouthed God in front of anyone or even out loud to myself, but in my head, I would have rants against the seeming unfairness of God’s ways. In my heart, I sometimes felt that God was not really for me and had something other than my best interests at heart.

The truth I have been learning is that God is big enough to handle my questions and accusations. He is not obligated to explain Himself to me. His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts way above mine. That comes with a finite mind trying to grasp what is Infinite.

I love Job’s final response, because it’s what I want to be able to say to God and what I’m striving toward in my daily walk of faith:

“Job answered God: “I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything.
   Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water,
   ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’
I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me,
   made small talk about wonders way over my head.
You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking.
   Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’
I admit I once lived by rumors of you;
   now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!
I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise!
   I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.”

God, I know that You are for me, with me, and in me, even when everything I see and feel and think says otherwise, because You promised You would be. If You say it, that settles it– whether I believe it or not.

I do believe. Help my unbelief.