Choosing Joy

Maybe you’ve already heard this. If you have, skip to the next paragraph. If not, then allow me to illustrate the difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is based on circumstances, or on what happens. Happiness is a feeling that comes and goes, as do all feelings, and can be affected by any number of things, including the weather, bad burritos, headaches, etc. Joy is a state of mind that can exist regardless of what’s going on around you. But you have to choose it.

So I choose joy. I choose to be joyful. I choose to see that I am blessed. I choose to see that I’m not entitled to anything and that no one owes me anything. Any good in my life is strictly a byproduct of God’s grace.

Joy doesn’t gloss over difficulties and pretend that hardships don’exist. Joy sees beyond those obstacles to the great future God has promised to those who love him and are called according to his promises. Joy knows that while the problem looks big, God is bigger than the problem. Joy rests in the ultimate certainty that God wins in the end and everything wrong will be put right.

It really isn’t my joy. The verse says “The joy of the Lord is my strength.” I take that to mean that God’s perfect joy, that joy that is limitless and boundless, can be mine. It can sustain me when my willpower is gone, when I’m weakest, when I am powerless to do anything for myself.

So I’m choosing the joy of the Lord every single day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. In other words, in every waking moment I make the conscious effort to take hold of that joy and make it mine. I hope you will, too.

 

What You Can’t Do (And What You Can)

I have gathered a collection of some observations that I’d like to share with you. Most of them fall into the “duh” category, but sometimes we need those basic reminders. Okay, I do.

1) You can’t catch up on a bad night of sleep in one night. It’s not like if you only got 2 hours of sleep that you can sleep 14 hours the next night and be back to your average of 8. First of all, I’d be a zombie after 14 hours of sleep. Second, I’d still be tired. Just a very tired zombie.

2) You can’t repeat the past (regardless of what Jay Gatsby says). The only way to do that would be for you to go back to who you were then, which is impossible. Also, everyone else in that scene would have to revert back to who they were then, too. You see the problem? Besides, what lies ahead, what God has for you, is way better than anything in your past.

3) You can’t make people be friends with you if they don’t want to be. You can be a friend for your part, regardless of whether that friendship is returned or not.

4) You can’t succeed if you don’t try. You aren’t guaranteed success if you try, but you are 100% destined to fail if you fail to try. Oooh, that should be cross-stitched and hung on somebody’s wall. That was good.

5) You CAN trust God at all times at any point in your life to get you through anything. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been a choirboy or a saint. The key is asking for help. The key is acknowledging your need and God’s vast supply.

6) You CAN trust God’s perfect timing. It may not be according to your timetable, but it will absolutely come when you need it most. And most likely when you’re least expecting it or looking for it.

7) You can’t be whatever you want to be and you can’t do anything you put your mind to (like me wanting to dunk on a 10-foot basketball goal). But you CAN be exactly what God created you to be and you CAN fulfill the purposes he created you for.

More reminders to come later.

The Story of Boaz and God’s Perfect Timing

I heard a different perspective on the book of Ruth tonight at Kairos. It might as well have been directed solely at me, because it was perfect for where I am right now in my life.

Boaz was a righteous man. He did everything right, or at least he tried to, but nothing ever seemed to go his way. He had just about given up on finding a Mrs. Boaz. He probably settled for just being friends with the women in his life. Maybe he had a few relationships that started off where she seemed to be a good friend but grew more distant and guarded toward him as time progressed. Maybe he even got defriended on facebook for unknown reasons.

Maybe Boaz was a hard worker. He put in his 8 hours a day and gave his 110%, but still got downsized when the company wanted to increase its profit margin. Maybe he couldn’t find a job, even with all his education and experience, and felt like no one wanted what he had to offer.

Boaz never stopped trying to do the right thing in the right way, but probably wondered what the point was sometimes. It didn’t seem that he would ever catch a break. It seemed that his opportunity had passed.

I can relate.

The beautiful thing about God is that he doesn’t work according to a calendar. He doesn’t work according to my schedule or my timetable. Just because God doesn’t deliver by a specific date that I had marked on my calendar doesn’t mean that he never will. In fact, God has a way of dreaming bigger dreams for me than I could possibly imagine and what he gives in his own way and in his own time turns out to be much better than what I could have possibly ever have expected or hoped for.

The questions I’m asking are these: am I willing to trust in God’s moment of Kairos, that opportune moment of time he has for me, enough to be preparing for it now? Do I believe enough to act on it? Does my faith in God depend on him meeting my expectations and deadlines or is his own goodness enough for me to keep believing?

Boaz found Ruth. Interestingly enough (according to my own interpretation), Ruth initiated the relationship. She’s the one who got dressed up and went and laid down beside him. She’s the one who asked him to “cover me with your wings,” which I believe in ancient Hebrew culture was a way of proposing marriage. On a side note, when God says that he will cover us with his wings, it’s more than just keeping us safe. God is saying he will be a husband to us and we will be his bride.

I don’t know that even Boaz, or  Ruth for that matter, realized exactly how big God’s plans for them were. Out of their marriage came a great-grandson named King David, who himself had a great-grandson whose name is Jesus.

If Boaz hadn’t been ready or had really and truly given up, what would have happened. If Ruth hadn’t shown up or simply been passive, would we have had a Savior?

Thankfully, Boaz was ready and so was Ruth. The question for you is this: will you be ready when your moment comes?

Fear and Faith

I’m not alone when I say that I have known fear and anxiety. Lately, I’ve heard several of my friends talk about their own fears and worries. I’m pretty sure that everybody deals with fear on some level.

But the question of the day is this: will you let fear run your life or will you step out in faith? Will you put your foot out into the air, not knowing if there will be ground underneath for it to land on? I know your mind just went to that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Mine did. That’s exactly what the step of faith looks like. It means either God comes through or you will crash and burn.

I think for a lot of people, their fear of failure is stronger than their desire for success. They want to avoid failing more than they want to succeed, and the result is that they will fail from not trying. Failing is not failure, but not trying is.

I truly believe that God reveals himself as we obey. As we can take those steps of faith, God knows we are ready to handle a much greater revelation of himself. We know much more of God’s ability to come though in the clutch when we go out on a limb for him.

So my advice is to do what you’re afraid of. Ask her out. Apply for that job. Make that call to your estranged friend. Share your faith with a co-worker. Quit that dead-end job and pursue your dream.

God will honor you. He hasn’t failed you yet and he’s not about to. Remember, as I heard recently, that if God is calling you out, he has already given you the victory there. You only have to step out and claim it.

Perfect, complete, mature love, i.e. the love of God, casts out fear completely.

Ghosts

 

I was feeling burdened about some issues, so I stepped inside one of my favorite places on earth, St. Paul’s Espiscopal Church, a very old church building located in the heart of downtown Franklin. Being in that place always brings me peace and I can be still and silent and just be.

I pulled out one of the kneelers and got on my knees and unburdened myself before God. I let it all go. I don’t know if it will work out like I want it to or not, but I do know that I felt a peace about it for the first time in a while. Then I simply listened.

It may have been the creaky floorboards settling, but to my romanticized imagination, it sounded like echos of past worshippers. Ghosts of people who came to this place and found their own peace.

I felt that I was not alone. Not because of ghosts, but because I knew that God was there with me.

I know now that I have to let my situation go. I can’t fix it. As much as I try to “help” God out, I would only make things worse. So I have to back off and let God do what only God can do. It’s completely in his hands now.

I don’t know how long I knelt there, listening to the noises around me. I left my phone in my pocket the whole time.

I love the fact that God didn’t wait until I got my act together to come to me. He found me, broken as I was, and is loving me to wholeness. Even though I sometimes still live out of fear and doubt, he never once has abandoned me. In those times I felt most alone, he was closest of all.

That’s what I love about God. Every other religion is about how to get to God, but Christianity (not the religion, but the relationship with Jesus Christ) is about how God came to us and found us before we even thought about looking for him.

I’m so glad he found me.

 

Friends

As I’ve stated many times before, I am still trying to figure out this whole friendship thing. Sometimes I do good, sometimes . . . not so much. I’ve had good friends who I still count as friends and I’ve had some that I probably creeped out a little and who aren’t as friendly to me anymore.

I’ve learned in my life not to beat myself up over the friendships that I feel like I’ve botched. It’s not up to me to carry every single one of my relationships. God is more than able to keep people in my life that need to be there. It’s so much less stressful that I can relax and be myself and not have to worry if that will be enough for people to like me.

I’ve learned to always give the benefit of the doubt and to see my friends in the best possible light. Essentially, I’ve learned to give them grace, because God knows I sure need it. Often.

To my friends who have stuck around, I’m thankful. I don’t deserve you, but I’m glad to have you in my life.

To my friends who I’ve run off or weirded out, I hope you give me grace and a second chance. But I don’t blame you if you don’t. I am still very much a work in progress and though I am at a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically than I’ve ever been, I still have some broken places and hidden hurts that surface from time to time.

To all my friends, whether you were only around for a few weeks or are still here after many years, thank you. You bless me more than you know. You encourage and support me, you pray for me, you keep me honest, you love me, and you show me Jesus every single day.

I hope one day I can finally be the friend that I’ve always wanted. And with God’s help, I believe I will be.

What a Night

I met with some friends to see The Great Gatsby in 3D at the Cinema at Green Hills. Well, first let me backtrack a bit.

I started off arriving at The Mall at Green Hills. Not the Green Hills Mall, mind you. It’s the Mall at Green Hills. And when you say it, you have to hold your pinky a certain way.

I had dinner at Jonathan’s Grille. It was one of the best taco salads I have ever eaten in my life. I’m not kidding. I’m pretty sure I’m not exaggerating, either. It was pretty darn good. I think all other taco salads in the future will have to live up to this new standard of spicy awesomeness.

Then I went to the Starbucks where my friend used to be a manager and where I had a memorable evening hanging out with another friend (she probably doesn’t know this, but that was one of my best days ever). Needless to say, I have a lot of good memories there.

Then I strolled around the mall itself for a bit. I bought a much-needed car charger for my iPhone at the Apple Store. Thus, flush with the heady sense of accomplishment, I headed off to the cinema.

I met with one of my friends and we devised a strategy of saving seats for the others. Really, the strategy was that she sat at one end of the row and I sat at the other. Not too taxing for a Friday night.

The movie itself was a grand spectacle, as is the case with most Baz Luhrmann movies. It was very visually appealing with well-chosen music to heighten the drama and the intensity of the story. I do have to admit that I still prefer the older 1974 adaptation with Robert Redford and Mia Farrow, but the new version is amazing nonetheless.

At the end, I got separated from the group and got turned around and ended up exiting through the entrance doors. In other words, typical me. I sat in a chair in front of Starbucks for a little bit, then went home.

I have to give kudos to my amazing Green Hills Community Group for being a great group of friends, each of whom I hold dearly in my heart and admire greatly. Thanks for another great Friday night!

Losing Your Way

I went to downtown Franklin like so many other times before. In fact, I’ve made the drive so much I can go into autopilot and be thinking about other things while I navigate those familiar roads.

This time, apparently I got too wrapped up in my own thoughts and made one of my turns a block too early. I looked up and for a second I thought, “Where the heck am I? What have they done with my downtown Franklin?”

I figured out what I had done and had to do a bit of a scenic detour to get to my destination, but I got there.

At some point or another, we all get lost. Sometimes we get lost in our thoughts. Sometimes we get lost in a web of anxiety and irrational thinking and find ourselves saying things and acting in ways that aren’t true to who we really are.

But no matter how far out of the way you’ve gone, it’s always possible to get back.

Sometimes it takes being a part of something greater than yourself, volunteering for a cause that is way bigger than your own problems.

Sometimes it takes a friend gently but firmly speaking the truth to you in love to set you straight.

Sometimes it takes going to a favorite place on a perfect night and being in the moment with cool spring breezes and familiar sights and sounds.

Everyone gets lost. Even in the healing process, you will have bad days where you fall back to old habits and fears. I had one of those last Tuesday, but I’ve since owned it and moved forward. It’s okay to admit what you’re feeling, to be okay with the bad days because you know they are as equal a part of the healing process as the good days.

Most of all, there is never a time when Jesus doesn’t know where you are. He knows because he’s right there with you, often walking beside you unnoticed as you’re too enveloped in the fog of your pain and doubt to see him.

For those who know what it’s like to be lost and then found, you truly know what a sweet sound amazing grace is.

 

That Ol’ Emmaus Road

 

In the story in Luke 24 about the two disciples walking down the Emmaus road, a question probably comes to mind. How could they have not recognized Jesus walking beside them, conversing with them, the whole entire time? I mean, wasn’t he the focus of their lives for three years? How could they have been so blind?

But then I think I understand. Sometimes deep grief and pain can keep you from really seeing what and who is around you. Sometimes, you just get too wrapped up in your own problems and anxieties to really pay attention to where you are.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Maybe you feel alone and abandoned as you walk your road. You may not realize it, but Jesus is silently walking beside you.

Maybe you feel like you need to clean up your act and get your life together so you can be “good enough” to meet Jesus. You may not be aware of it, but Jesus is already where you are, waiting on you to recognize him, drop your pretenses, and come running into his arms.

It’s interesting to me that the moment those two disciples recognized Jesus was in a moment of worship. They broke bread, like they had done earlier in the week with Jesus, and suddenly their eyes were opened. True worship does that. It helps us to find Jesus and understand that he was already with us all the time.  After all, he wasn’t the one lost and needing to be found. We were.

So maybe all you need to do is cling to the promise Jesus gave that he would never leave us nor forsake us. Maybe you need to reach out your hands in faith to find his own reaching toward you. No matter where you are or what you’ve done, no matter how badly you’ve messed up, Jesus is always ready to receive you again. He’s never stopped loving you or pursuing your heart.

I think that qualifies as the best news ever.

My Oscar Acceptance Speech (Just in Case)

I wanted to let all of you know that I’m in a good place. In fact, I truly feel like I’m in a better place spiritually, mentally, and physically than I’ve been in for a long time. And I have you to thank for it.

I won’t be like the actual Oscar winners and name names, but I will thank you and hope you recognize yourself in this list.

Thank you for praying for me faithfully and consistently. There are times when I truly felt like I was carried by those prayers and times when your prayers and your faith in and for me sustained me when I didn’t have the prayers to pray or the faith to believe for myself.

Thank you for your spoken words of encouragement and all your texts and posts on my wall and facebook messages that always seemed to come at just the right moment when I needed to hear those words. God spoke mightily to me through you.

Thank you for meeting with me for coffee and conversation. Those times meant more to me than you knew because I know you cared enough about me to take time out of your busy schedule to spend time with me.

Thank you even if you said you wanted to meet for coffee and conversation but were unable to follow through. I know you meant well and I am flattered and honored that you even considered meeting with me.

Thank you for putting up with my occasional moments of insanity and weirdness and those times when I was overly needy or obnoxious. The fact that you stuck around when you could have bolted means the world to me.

Thank you for inviting me to be a part of your community groups and Sunday School classes. Thank you for rooting for me and helping me believe in myself. Thank you for being amazing examples of Christ for me to learn from.

I know there’s so much I probably left out that I should have included. But with my ADD, I’m doing good to remember all of this.

Just know that I am eternally grateful to know each and every one of you and I pray that God blesses you as much as you have blessed me and that he brings you as much joy as you have brought to my life– which is way more than I deserved or could ever hope to contain. I’m so very grateful to have you play a part in the story of my life that God is still writing for me.

Thank you.