What You Can’t Do (And What You Can)

I have gathered a collection of some observations that I’d like to share with you. Most of them fall into the “duh” category, but sometimes we need those basic reminders. Okay, I do.

1) You can’t catch up on a bad night of sleep in one night. It’s not like if you only got 2 hours of sleep that you can sleep 14 hours the next night and be back to your average of 8. First of all, I’d be a zombie after 14 hours of sleep. Second, I’d still be tired. Just a very tired zombie.

2) You can’t repeat the past (regardless of what Jay Gatsby says). The only way to do that would be for you to go back to who you were then, which is impossible. Also, everyone else in that scene would have to revert back to who they were then, too. You see the problem? Besides, what lies ahead, what God has for you, is way better than anything in your past.

3) You can’t make people be friends with you if they don’t want to be. You can be a friend for your part, regardless of whether that friendship is returned or not.

4) You can’t succeed if you don’t try. You aren’t guaranteed success if you try, but you are 100% destined to fail if you fail to try. Oooh, that should be cross-stitched and hung on somebody’s wall. That was good.

5) You CAN trust God at all times at any point in your life to get you through anything. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been a choirboy or a saint. The key is asking for help. The key is acknowledging your need and God’s vast supply.

6) You CAN trust God’s perfect timing. It may not be according to your timetable, but it will absolutely come when you need it most. And most likely when you’re least expecting it or looking for it.

7) You can’t be whatever you want to be and you can’t do anything you put your mind to (like me wanting to dunk on a 10-foot basketball goal). But you CAN be exactly what God created you to be and you CAN fulfill the purposes he created you for.

More reminders to come later.

The Story of Boaz and God’s Perfect Timing

I heard a different perspective on the book of Ruth tonight at Kairos. It might as well have been directed solely at me, because it was perfect for where I am right now in my life.

Boaz was a righteous man. He did everything right, or at least he tried to, but nothing ever seemed to go his way. He had just about given up on finding a Mrs. Boaz. He probably settled for just being friends with the women in his life. Maybe he had a few relationships that started off where she seemed to be a good friend but grew more distant and guarded toward him as time progressed. Maybe he even got defriended on facebook for unknown reasons.

Maybe Boaz was a hard worker. He put in his 8 hours a day and gave his 110%, but still got downsized when the company wanted to increase its profit margin. Maybe he couldn’t find a job, even with all his education and experience, and felt like no one wanted what he had to offer.

Boaz never stopped trying to do the right thing in the right way, but probably wondered what the point was sometimes. It didn’t seem that he would ever catch a break. It seemed that his opportunity had passed.

I can relate.

The beautiful thing about God is that he doesn’t work according to a calendar. He doesn’t work according to my schedule or my timetable. Just because God doesn’t deliver by a specific date that I had marked on my calendar doesn’t mean that he never will. In fact, God has a way of dreaming bigger dreams for me than I could possibly imagine and what he gives in his own way and in his own time turns out to be much better than what I could have possibly ever have expected or hoped for.

The questions I’m asking are these: am I willing to trust in God’s moment of Kairos, that opportune moment of time he has for me, enough to be preparing for it now? Do I believe enough to act on it? Does my faith in God depend on him meeting my expectations and deadlines or is his own goodness enough for me to keep believing?

Boaz found Ruth. Interestingly enough (according to my own interpretation), Ruth initiated the relationship. She’s the one who got dressed up and went and laid down beside him. She’s the one who asked him to “cover me with your wings,” which I believe in ancient Hebrew culture was a way of proposing marriage. On a side note, when God says that he will cover us with his wings, it’s more than just keeping us safe. God is saying he will be a husband to us and we will be his bride.

I don’t know that even Boaz, or  Ruth for that matter, realized exactly how big God’s plans for them were. Out of their marriage came a great-grandson named King David, who himself had a great-grandson whose name is Jesus.

If Boaz hadn’t been ready or had really and truly given up, what would have happened. If Ruth hadn’t shown up or simply been passive, would we have had a Savior?

Thankfully, Boaz was ready and so was Ruth. The question for you is this: will you be ready when your moment comes?

Fear and Faith

I’m not alone when I say that I have known fear and anxiety. Lately, I’ve heard several of my friends talk about their own fears and worries. I’m pretty sure that everybody deals with fear on some level.

But the question of the day is this: will you let fear run your life or will you step out in faith? Will you put your foot out into the air, not knowing if there will be ground underneath for it to land on? I know your mind just went to that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Mine did. That’s exactly what the step of faith looks like. It means either God comes through or you will crash and burn.

I think for a lot of people, their fear of failure is stronger than their desire for success. They want to avoid failing more than they want to succeed, and the result is that they will fail from not trying. Failing is not failure, but not trying is.

I truly believe that God reveals himself as we obey. As we can take those steps of faith, God knows we are ready to handle a much greater revelation of himself. We know much more of God’s ability to come though in the clutch when we go out on a limb for him.

So my advice is to do what you’re afraid of. Ask her out. Apply for that job. Make that call to your estranged friend. Share your faith with a co-worker. Quit that dead-end job and pursue your dream.

God will honor you. He hasn’t failed you yet and he’s not about to. Remember, as I heard recently, that if God is calling you out, he has already given you the victory there. You only have to step out and claim it.

Perfect, complete, mature love, i.e. the love of God, casts out fear completely.

Raise Your Hand: A Blog About Relationships

Ok. Informal survey. See if any of these scenarios fit you. Here goes.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been interested in someone and gone to the place where he or she works or hangs out in the hopes of “accidentally” running into him or her? And technically, that’s not stalking. It’s only stalking when you know for sure that person will be there.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever posted something on facebook in hopes that a certain someone would read it. Because that always works. Not. Of course, I’ve NEVER done anything REMOTELY like that. I’ve NEVER found out the hard way how completely futile that is.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever judged the health of a relationship based on how many times the other person likes or comments on your statuses and posts on facebook. Yeah, I seem kinda hung up on the whole facebook thing, but play along with me. Maybe you see the absence of response to your posts and texts as a lack of interest on the other’s part, or even an indicator that that person is upset with you or doesn’t like you. Again, I can say that I’ve never . . . . ok, I’ve been there, done that, thrown the pity party. Now I take pills and I do much better.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever obsessed over the next time you might see that certain someone and rehearsed in your mind what you would say to them. You even got the script down perfect. The only problem is that real life never follows those rehearsed scenarios and real people tend not to want to stick to your script.

What little I know about relationships is this: there are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people. You can’t make any one person your life or build your future on the hopes of a relationship. To put another person on that kind of pedestal is to put that person in the place of God and put a burden on them that they were never meant to bear.

So I’ve learned to trust God. And pray a lot. And take deep breaths. And not freak out. The other person most likely is just as scared and intimidated and nervous and self-conscious as you are. They just have different ways of showing (or hiding) those things.

By the way, I bet you feel pretty silly sitting in front of your computer all by yourself with your hand raised in the air. You can put it down now.

“But We Had Hoped . . . “

“And we had our hopes up that he was the One, the One about to deliver Israel” (Luke 24:21).

I know you know what it’s like to have your hopes dashed yet again.

Maybe you thought a certain person was the one, but it turned out that he wasn’t interested in you like that or she only wanted to be friends.

Maybe you invested in a friendship and found out that you weren’t nearly as high on the other person’s list of priorities. Or maybe that other person saw some of your flaws and decided you just weren’t worth the effort anymore.

Maybe you felt confident after a really good job interview only to discover the company went with someone else they felt was a “better fit.”

Maybe you gave your time and energy and talent to a company for so many years only to find yourself on the receiving end of a pink slip with the words that went something like “we had to make some cutbacks somewhere.”

Maybe you’re at the place where it’s easier not to hope anymore. Where it’s easier not to open up to anyone or trust anyone beyond a surface level anymore. Where it’s easier and safer to give up on your dreams than risk the possibility of more disappointment and heartache.

Just like those two disciples, maybe you and I have gotten so wrapped up in ourselves that we miss who it is that’s walking alongside of us. We’ve missed his comforting words. Don’t you see him yet?

It’s Jesus.

I love what I heard a pastor say recently that went something like this: “Aren’t you glad that at the greatest hour of need that God didn’t send a text or a skype invite? He sent Jesus.”

Jesus has come to hear your story and then connect it with his. Not that he’ll be surprised by anything you tell him. He already knows what you’ve been through, even the ugly parts you would never tell another living soul. And he loves you.

He’ll stick around when friends bail, when spouses leave, when children don’t want to come around anymore. He’ll love you even when you can’t find the strength to love yourself.

Tonight, I’m more thankful for Jesus than ever. I know that when I’m feeling overwhelmed by negative thinking and feelings of abandonment, he’s speaking peace into my chaos. He’s whispering truth over the lies I’m believing.

And he won’t ever leave me.

To All the Wallflowers in the World

I finally broke down and rented The Perks of Being a Wallflower from Redbox. In case you were wondering, that was the infamous movie that I had a ticket for the night I got hit by that car in downtown Franklin. Yeah, that was the movie I missed. Well, I finally saw it, almost two months later.

One line really struck me. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”

I had always wondered why I saw nice, pretty girls who always seemed to date guys who struck me as obnoxious, loud jerks. I wondered why they did that when there were nice guys (like me) available.

You could argue that most of the nice guys (again like me) never got up the nerve to ask out the nice, pretty girls. But I do think that people who don’t think much of themselves will settle for relationships that aren’t the best for them.

In case you’re wondering if this is going to be yet another blog on dating, it’s not.

I wonder how many of us really know our own worth. We tend to repeatedly replay every minor criticism and downplay every compliment out of a false modesty that really isn’t modest at all. If you and I are honest, we don’t think much of ourselves most of the time and we project that on to how we perceive others to not like us or acknowledge us.

Maybe you think nobody ever sees you or feels your pain or even cares that you’re hurting. Maybe you wonder why you bother getting up in the morning only to spend the entire day being overlooked and ignored by everyone around you.

Let me remind you that God thought you worth loving. Well, let me rephrase that. God chose to love you because he wanted to and in loving you, he made you lovable and worth loving. Maybe that only makes sense if you’re tired and still awake after midnight, but there it is.

God formed you with his own hands, breathed his own breath into you, and called you very good. You are made in the image of God and there is no one else exactly like you. You are God’s poem, his masterpiece, his workmanship.

So whenever you are tempted in any way to settle for less than God’s very best, remember that you are worth loving because God said so. And anybody who says or acts otherwise doesn’t deserve you.

 

The First Letter to My Future Wife in 2013

I have a confession to make to you. I actually gave up on you for a little while. I gave up hope that I would ever meet you. But now I have hope again.

It may the tiniest bit of hope, but it’s there. It may not always be visible, but it’s strong enough to hold on to. I will never give up believing in you and praying for you until the day I meet you.

At this rate, we may both be 80-something and senile, but we’ll have fun– at least for a little while.

Don’t give up on me either. Don’t quit praying for me as I won’t give up praying for you. May we both commit to growing closer to Jesus and by that way grow closer to each other. May your first desire not be to find me, but to seek after and hold on to and treasure Jesus for all he’s worth. May that be my first desire, too.

I’ll be honest. Right now, meeting you seems like an impossibility, humanly speaking. But I believe that God is at his best at making the impossible possible. So I keep hoping. And praying. And waiting.

I pray that I don’t find you until I’m ready to love you like I’m supposed to love you. Like Jesus loved his bride and laid down his life for her. Like he will call me to love you when I meet you.

Until then, my hope is secure in the only place that can’t be shaken. It’s in God himself. I pray yours is, too.

 

 

Comparison Shopping

You gotta love the new trend in internet shopping. I mean the one where you go to a website that helps you find the best deal on planet tickets, hotel rooms, or just about anything else you might want to buy. That’s where comparison is a good thing.

But I’ve found myself using comparison in a way that’s not so good. As in when I compare myself to some one else. I see someone who’s found true love and I wonder why I haven’t. I see someone who’s found a career that’s a perfect fit and who loves going to work every day and I wonder when that will happen for me.

I read somewhere that comparison is the thief of joy and contentment. Comparison either leads to pride when you think you’ve got something that the guy next to you doesn’t, or envy when the guy next to you has something that you don’t.

Comparison is always misleading because you never know the whole story. Appearances can be so very misleading. That man or woman you’re comparing yourself with may be happy in that one area, but struggling in another area that you don’t know about. He or she may actually envy you for something you have that he or she doesn’t.

If you have to compare yourself, compare yourself with where you used to be. Remember where you were and see where you are now. Look how far God has brought you. Look at what you’ve already overcome.

Rejoice for those who have what you don’t. Root for them and keep your eyes where they belong. And that’s on Jesus. He didn’t create you to live someone else’s life or be who he created them to be. He created you to live the life he custom-made only for you.

Your path is your own and no one else’s. Your timetable is your’s alone. You get where you need to be, not when everybody else does, but when in God’s perfect timing. Not a moment sooner and not a moment later.

In Search of Boaz and Ruth in the 21st Century (Yet Another Blog About Singleness)

I had a good friend commenting on how she couldn’t find any men who fit the role of Boaz in the Bible. I have to agree. Not too many godly men stepping up and taking charge spiritually. There are lots of guys out there, but not nearly as many real men.

Then again, as a single guy, I have a hard time finding Ruths. There aren’t too many women pursuing godliness with a passion these days. As before, there are a lot of girls out there, but not too many real godly women.

Then I got to thinking on the way home. Maybe the problem is me. Maybe I’m not finding my Ruth because I’m not trying consistently to be a Boaz. I’m all for godliness and holiness when it’s convenient and cheap, but not so much when it takes time and costs me something.

If I’m looking for certain qualities in a mate, I need to have those showing in my own life. Or at least I need to be developing those characteristics. I can’t expect kindness in a future mate if I don’t show it myself. I can’t expect deep spirituality if I am shallow when it comes to the things of God.

I think this applies to married people as well. You can’t expect your spouse to be something you’re not willing to be. You have to own up to your part and change yourself before you demand change from your husband or wife.

I know I have a lot of work to do before I can call myself a godly man. Sometimes, it seems like an impossible task and I feel like I will never get there. But God is best at taking the impossible and making it reality.

So before you point the finger at the opposite sex, make sure you look in the mirror first and find out if you need to get your priorities right first. That’s all.

 

 

 

It’s in the Details

“Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way” (Colossians 3:15-17).

I’ve had a hard time coming up with something to write tonight. That happens to me periodically. I search my brain for a memory or a word or a phrase I heard earlier to trigger an idea that becomes a blog, but I get nothing. I can hear the wheels in my head a-turnin’, but apparently the hampster has gone off to sleep somewhere.

I do know that it’s useless to spend your whole life waiting for the next big event. If you’re single, that means waiting until you find someone to date. If you’re dating, that means waiting until you are engaged and then married. If you’re married, it means waiting until the first child is on the way. And so on.

If you’re not careful, you get so caught up in looking ahead in anticipation that you miss what is in front of you. A smiling face. A kind word. A small blessing.

Those little things help you along the road to becoming the person who is ready for the next big event. How you treat the people around you now will determine if you’re ready for your next phase.

So be compassionate now. Love unconditionally now. Be content now. Trust God now.

He will take care of getting you to the next step.